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It's five o'clock, where's Ozzak?
He said he won't be attending any Christmas meeting.
But we're only doing it because of him.
I don't know, just call him somehow.
Ozzak, there's beer on the table!
I always fall for that.
I got a Christmas tree, so Ozzak, you won't be going to the forest this year.
Ugh, here we go again.
I think last year there was unnecessary fuss about it.
Bro, Frantisek Palacky died under that tree.
She brought it with the memorial plaque and all.
And it was an oak.
This year we'll have this one.
I got it as a bonus for selling a thousand hamster Mirecek toys.
It's true that too many trees get cut down for Christmas.
So one more won't be missed.
Last year's fir tree is still under the bathtub.
Can't we just have one Christmas that we'll all fondly remember?
Yeah, last year's is also remembered by the city police.
Some ambulances?
Carp is traditional Christmas food.
But each of us has already swallowed a bone once.
Ozzak even twice.
The same one.
I wanted seconds.
I'm warning you.
Take note that this year, Christmas at our place will be a holiday of peace.
Where's the bathtub?
That hamster Mirecek is driving me crazy, listening to it here all day.
Oh gosh, sorry Tomas.
That hamster Mirecek is driving me crazy, listening to it here all day.
And people are buying it like crazy, huh?
Yeah, kids love it.
The sales will be great.
Looks like there'll be a pre-Christmas bonus.
Well, don't expect anything big, but you'll be able to buy some little thing for Zoran as a Christmas present.
I'd never buy it for myself, but...
Kids love it, these things.
Bye.
Zoran and I don't celebrate Christmas.
You don't?
Zoran and I think that at Christmas, people should be together and not running around shopping malls.
So we're flying to Barbados.
Zoran has business meetings there and I'll enjoy some peace and quiet.
Not at all.
I don't envy you those nerves.
I won't have any stress this year.
This year Lexa here is buying presents for me.
Online.
Does that seem like a good idea to you?
I'll owe him for it.
Hey, Lexa.
I was just telling Marcelka how great our gift plan is.
This year.
It's all ordered already.
Did they have everything from the list?
What list?
That was real.
I have the paper, but I'll tell you, your handwriting is seriously hardcore.
Excuse me.
I happen to have neat handwriting.
Neat, but illegible.
Last time you ordered Leona Machalkova, they delivered Glenn Miller.
But I did figure it out in the end.
I just don't get who you wanted to give the opossum to.
Opossum?
They didn't have the same one.
Mr. Pacovsky, could I ask you for something too?
Of course.
Can I come watch TV at your place on Christmas Eve?
You don't have one?
They cut off our electricity.
But mom said we can't tell anyone so people don't come feel sorry for us.
Poor thing.
Alright.
And Three Wishes for Cinderella, that's something we can watch together.
Yeah, that too.
But mainly the Miss Wet T-Shirt finale from Barbados.
What?
Why does it always have to be on Christmas Eve?
Ozzak said.
They moved it because of hurricane Dalibor.
Oh right.
I hope not to the Paradise hotel.
I was looking forward to some peace and quiet there, and instead there'd be half-naked women running around.
And Zoran needs peace for his business meetings.
He's just texting me now.
Dear Marcela, I need peace for business meetings, so I'll go alone.
Feed the fish.
Zoran.
Wow, he's really to be pitied.
Alone in a hotel full of busty women and he'll be having business meetings.
Two kilos of yeast, rum, half a kilo of caraway, ten kilos of flour.
Coarse.
That's flour for a real man.
I want beer rolls.
So you say.
Last year I had one and danced at midnight mass.
This year I really can't handle it.
Christmas cookies, the way they should be.
Ivuska, look.
Pardubice twenty-sixer.
Not for the faint of heart.
The EU banned it.
But they can't get us.
And if you want one tray, I'll start with a tenner.
For you.
But it won't be the same.
No, thanks.
I'll stick with Linzer cookies.
Wow.
There'll be rum balls too, right?
I'll be filling them in a minute.
But only half doses.
I don't want them exploding in the oven again.
Exactly.
I'm ready, Mr. Ozzak.
Lexa, you call that ready?
Where are your safety goggles?
Here.
Ivo, hey.
Ivo, I know what you're getting for Christmas.
Well unfortunately so do I, dad always gives me the same thing.
So should I not tell you?
Don't you dare, at least this way I have some hope.
Are you looking forward to Christmas, Mr. Ozzak?
Who wouldn't be?
I just hate how soft they've gotten.
In the old days it had more edge.
What old days?
When men were men and perfume was a dirty word.
Nowadays it's a holiday for softies.
Should I put the baking powder in?
Powder, that's it, powder.
All diminutives, all soft words.
Powder, little tree, little balls, little rolls, fairy tales, vanilla.
Yeah, back in the day you just chopped down a tree, made balls and rolls.
And then everyone stuffed their faces.
Yeah, those were the days, Lexa.
Should I put the powder in the baking thing.
Throw it in, boy.
Alright.
And you can stir.
But carp, that's a pretty tough word, right?
But a soft fish.
It doesn't even have teeth.
Yeah, a swordfish, that's different.
Or a stingray.
Electric.
Right.
Or a shark.
Any old lady can kill a carp.
But try going after a shark with a mallet.
A mallet?
A club.
That would be truly manly.
Enough.
Right, now we let it rise.
But we need to watch it.
As soon as it moves, we have five minutes.
Are we going to shape it?
Or run.
Now let's do the balls.
With vanilla.
Sure.
Sorry.
That hamster Mirecek is driving me crazy, listening to it here all day.
What Mirecek?
Well, kids love it.
Hey, my stove broke down at home somehow.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
Nobody needs to feel sorry for us, we're doing fine.
Sorry, it's the Christmas season.
Everyone just feels sorry for everyone.
I'd need to make Christmas Eve dinner for the kids.
Well, I don't know, Iva always gets nervous in the kitchen, so don't get in the way.
And I won't be in the way, fries take seven minutes.
You're making fries?
Of course, it's Christmas Eve, so the kids should have something proper.
I see.
And do you have presents?
No, I didn't have time for those again.
I'll buy them before the fries are done.
Online?
At the gas station.
Sure.
These are Christmas 2004, 2005, 2006, and 2007.
This one's actually good.
You think?
I don't want another jacket from the Vietnamese market.
I wouldn't mind a jacket.
I got a scented tree air freshener from him and Lexa got a windshield wiper.
Just one?
He doesn't even have a license.
Hi.
Hey, that's the jacket you wear to the dumpsters.
It's really nice.
How am I supposed to look forward to Christmas when dad picks the gifts and Lexa orders them.
The hamster's sold out.
Too bad.
What?
I wanted seconds.
That was chicken.
Oh.
Hamster, Mirecek, those carols.
Well, like they said, as long as you keep playing them, they won't come back to the shop.
Oh.
Well, they're sold out.
So you can go back to the shop.
Too bad.
Yeah.
It's getting cold, huh?
Father!
What? I just said it's getting cold.
I know exactly why you're saying that.
You only have one kidney.
I hate practical gifts.
You just touch it, feel it's soft, and you lose all desire to unwrap it.
Soft gifts.
Right.
Soft words and soft gifts.
That's the worst thing about Christmas.
I've never given you a soft gift.
Once I got wine.
And Ivuska, I haven't always given you soft gifts either.
The last hard one was when I was seven.
A vacuum cleaner.
You told me it was a little elephant helper and since then I've had to vacuum.
But then I never gave you another vacuum cleaner.
No, but an iron, a drying rack, and a stepladder.
And then came the long era of winter jackets.
Weren't you happy with them?
Happy?
Yeah, maybe a little with the first one.
But every girl wants something to wear.
But every girl wants to pick it out herself.
But then it's not a surprise.
And a gift should be a surprise.
I hope I'll be surprised this year.
So I'm not getting the beer encyclopedia this year?
Great.
Bye.
Hi.
What was wrong with it?
With what?
The hamster.
That it died.
Ran out?
That's clearly a D, isn't it?
It looks like a P. And I also more or less guessed the hamster part.
Marcelka, when I said you could take time off?
I'm perfectly calm.
I'm taking an emotional venting course.
Mmm, wind level two, right?
It's a kind of mantra.
I'll take the Christmas shift.
But Marcelka, you don't have to, Ozzak can handle it.
And if they happen to deliver the hamster Mirecek, I've allowed him one rum ball.
No, let him enjoy Christmas too.
Mr. Pacovsky, wouldn't it be better to write "from a dream" there?
Sounds better.
You wanted to speak with me, Mr. Pacovsky?
Have a seat, Lexa.
Yeah?
The presents arrived already?
Great.
The presents arrived, Lexa.
The presents that you ordered.
Can you please show me where on my list there's a steam sauna?
Here.
Right under the opossum.
They really didn't have that one.
Lexa, I don't see steam sauna here.
What I see here is winter jacket.
That was the second option.
Actually the third.
And the second?
Beer probe.
But Mr. Ozzak already has one.
Lexa, please, how can someone confuse a winter jacket with a steam sauna?
They have the same number of letters.
So you'll return the steam sauna.
And tomorrow I want a beautiful winter jacket here.
More like sometime in January.
They have a thirty-day processing period.
Are you telling me that this year I'll have to give someone a steam sauna for Christmas?
That's one option.
The other?
Christmas in January.
Mr. Pacovsky.
Yes?
I wanted to ask, what was the opossum?
Opossum?
Ivuska.
Right.
Open-face sandwich.
Is that food for a man?
That's for dad, uncle.
For you I have a big sandwich.
No way!
Hey, bro, what about that steam sauna you were talking about yesterday?
I was talking about it?
Of course.
You were talking about it all evening.
Wait.
He was at the pub all evening and when he came back, he didn't talk at all.
Well actually I told him that.
Wait.
What did I say?
That you've been wanting one your whole life.
Wasn't it a steam roller?
No, a sauna.
Well I was surprised too, you and a steam sauna don't go together at all.
Well, good.
Uncle, you want a steam sauna?
Sure, I was talking about it all evening yesterday.
Just so you realize, when you start talking about certain things before Christmas, they tend to show up under the tree.
I'm never that lucky.
I'm sure I'll get the beer encyclopedia again.
I need to hang it above that.
That's a star.
And Hendrix as the dark one in the back.
Nonsense.
Hendrix, always in the front.
Hey, is your old man at the beach already?
I don't care.
But I do.
Could you call him to send me a shark?
What?
Or a stingray, or a swordfish.
Something with teeth.
Or with electricity.
I'd like to toughen up Christmas a bit this year.
His phone is off.
Or I got it wet.
Send him a telegram maybe.
Address?
Croatian sleaze...
Hold on, hold on.
Croatian sleazebag, hotel with busty babes, Barbados.
Thanks, mambo.
Mr. Ozzak, Three Wishes for Cinderella is on, don't you want to watch it too?
Well, I still prefer the Melnik Ozzak.
Little bird, where is your nest?
"Where is your nest, bird" would be much better.
My thoughts exactly.
Uncle!
The checkup went well, that delivery boy who delivers newspapers.
A guy at sixteen should already know what a drunk tank looks like from the inside.
Hey, that's nice.
Tomorrow it's Christmas again.
In the morning we'll decorate the ficus.
Yeah, we'll have fries with ketchup.
And I can have extra since it's the holidays.
Don't kid yourself, you always end up coming to our place and eating a whole tray of cookies.
This year we'll have our own.
Mom saves cookies from her coffee all year long.
Caramel cookies are the best.
Almond ones are also the best, but less so.
Then mom remembers that Santa is fueling up around the corner.
And she runs out for presents.
Santa isn't the same one, so we make do.
Then we call dad.
We wish him a merry Christmas.
And mom wishes that his bimbo robs him as soon as possible, like he robbed us.
We sing "Let's Go Together to Bethlehem" and mom starts crying.
Yeah, Christmas.
Hmm, they get me down a little sometimes.
Why?
They're nice.
Travnicek.
Is that a name for a man?
Marcelka?
The fir trees are going, Tomas.
Ozzak is sending you some cookies.
He's saying something about a telegram.
Welcome.
Careful.
You shouldn't drive for two or three hours after eating those.
I'm not going anywhere anyway.
Wind level two, no...
I'm fine.
They only had gas at the station.
What should I do?
Have a roll.
Hey, uncle.
See?
I only cut off the top.
The rest is still standing in Old Town Square.
And one more roll.
Hi.
We can't send her home like this.
Come on.
Bye.
Need a deep fryer?
No, these go on a baking sheet.
They're not alone.
Hey.
Ozzak, are you sick that a woman has to drink on your behalf?
Hey, listen.
I was thinking, wouldn't you like to have schnitzel with us?
We're doing fine.
I know, but we have way too many.
Alright.
Come on then!
Merry Christmas!
Well, kids, you really surprised me.
Wow, wow.
What?
Are you counting, kids?
A steam sauna!
This can't be, I've been dreaming of one for years!
Opossum?
Ivuska.
That's weird, it won't keep you warm.
We'll take turns vacuuming.
So what?
Which word on that list looked like MP3 player to you?
None.
But Eva really wanted one.
They're for you too.
Great, carols, a cutter, and measurements.
Marcelka, I'm sorry, I don't have anything for you.
I wanted to buy you something in the January sales.
That's sweet of you, Tomas.
Wow, Barbados!
Wind level two!
Hurricane Dalibor has unexpectedly turned toward Barbados.
Coastal hotels have been devastated.
Participants of the Miss Wet T-Shirt contest were evacuated as a priority, but other guests are completely cut off from the world.
It works!
Thank you, baby Jesus!
And now carols, only a black pre-Christmas one.
No, let's do something traditional.
Gee, Ozzak, I prefer rolls.
Ah!
Farmers, farmers, who gave you a voice?
And trees, balls, rolls, maybe we're going again.
Hello, delivery from Barbados for Mr. Ozzak.
That's for me!
Here it is.
Yeah, I'll take it.
Well, goodbye.
Goodbye.
Gift.
Ivuska, we're going to need a club.
Farmers, farmers, who...
who gave you a voice.
And trees, balls, rolls, we can again.
But it seems, the manger, donkey by the crib, a golden pig in the morning will paint it for you.
It depends on whether it snows, we'll call baby Jesus to bristle up for us.
And rolls, rolls, who gave you a voice?
Was it baby Jesus the great, or Old Man Frost?
Farmers, farmers, what's ringing inside them?
Trees, balls, rolls, guys.